CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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