There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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