And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
