Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
