Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
should my penis look like a turkey
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
