finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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