She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
