god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
