Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
