I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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