I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
