apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
