and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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