I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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