Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
