Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
