this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
