Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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