My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
