I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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