Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
