i think i have herpe
just one?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
