After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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