please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
