If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
