At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
she told me i tasted like america
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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