porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
