please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
