Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
