Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
