Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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