Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
