Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
