I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
