We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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