I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just want nice things and good sex
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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