i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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