smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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