I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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