I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
operation harelip BJ is a go
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
