Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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