How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
