I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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