just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
