and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
