apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
please come you make the beer taste better
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
