There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Its about making memories worth repressing
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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