I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
