11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
