I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
