I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
